Top 10 Ways I'm Acclimating

10. I own 10 pairs of house slippers/shoes.
9. It's normal to clean the poo off my eggs...don't you?
8. I'm drinking more tea than coffee. (!!)
7. I walk arm in arm with friends.
6. Meat is optional...vegetables are not.
5. I walk on streets and believe sidewalks are parking lots.
4. I put my unwanted food on the table (or floor).
3. I believe the correct driving position is 10 and horn.
2. I excitedly point at any blonde that I see.
1. I lecture people on the number of layers they are wearing.

"Blending In"

Remembering Grandma

I wrote this a year ago, shortly before my Grandma passed away.  In loving memory...

1928 - 2010

My definition of love has been challenged of late.  I have been told that my definition of love is too deep, too extravagant, and too costly.  In response to this challenge, I began a search to find why I define love in such an apparently unique way.

In this search, I looked to my family.  My family is not perfect…never have been, never will be.  My family is crazy, but I know that my family loves. 

My grandma is not like most grandmas.  I’ve never seen her knit or crochet and we didn’t usually get cookies fresh from the oven.  She didn’t always hug me and she was never overly sweet.  However, my grandmother is a survivor.  Life taught her from day one that it’s going to be hard, people cannot be depended upon, and you’re on your own.  Throughout her life people left her by death, by neglect, and by abandonment.  She loved and she lost, but she survived.  When her husband left her with three kids, a mortgage and a divorce, she put on her heels and marched to work.  She survived and she fought for her kids.  While always being a survivor did save her and her kids, it didn’t always leave her with the ability or knowledge of how to show love.  She loved…I know she did…but she didn’t always act it out or communicate it.

Fast forward 40 years.

My grandfather that I had never met shows up completely destitute, sick, and unable to take care of himself.  In a decision filled with grace and mercy, my mom and aunt take care of him.  I never heard him say thank you and he never said I’m sorry.  He didn’t tell them that he loved them and he never told them that he was grateful for them.  And yet, they loved him and served him until the end.

Fast forward another 10 years.

My grandma doesn’t know who I am.  My grandma doesn’t know who her son and daughters are...but my family loves her. 

My grandma doesn’t remember how to swallow, put on her shoes, or go to the bathroom.  My grandma didn’t know how to show love and now she doesn’t remember who she loves…but my family loves her.

I watch my uncle move my grandma to her wheel chair even though the pain shooting from his hip is intense enough to make a grown man cry.  I watch my aunt struggle to get my grandma back in bed after finding her sitting on the floor next to her bed.  I watch my other aunt sit with my grandma and hold her hand until she falls asleep.  I watch my uncle change my grandma’s diaper, just like she did for him years ago.  I watch my mom selflessly work for years tracking my grandma’s bills and doctors and taxes and all the details my grandma can’t remember.  I watch my family love.

My family knows how to love…it runs in them and through them.  They do not love because the person receiving their love was kind to them, nor do they love because of what that person can do for them.  They love with abandonment because that is the only way they know how.

My family has shown me that love is costly, love is deep, and love is extravagant.

While I have seen pain, betrayal, and heartache because of this love…I have also seen joy, hope, and peace.  Love is extravagant, love is deep, and love is costly.  If love is shallow, containable, and cheap– it isn’t love. 

At this point, the question arises,   “Isn’t G-d’s love free?”  Absolutely not!  His love is extravagant, it is deep, and it is costly.  “For God so LOVED the world that He GAVE His one and only son…”  His love for us cost Him everything…and I’m positive that He did not love us because we were able to give Him something or because He was better off with us. 

He loved us because He is love. 

In the end, I define love as deep, extravagant and costly.  To those who accuse me of defining love as an impossibility, my reply is to look at my family and to ultimately look at the Creator and Definer of Love.  There is love…and I would not want it or define it in any other way.

Definition:

Love is patient, Love is kind

Love does not envy it does not boast…it is not proud

It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love Never Fails.

Perspective

Sometimes, in life, there are aspects about yourself that people make fun of.   For example, in my old job many people would comment and snicker about how short I was (I'm mentally glaring at specific people - you know who you are).  Or, many of my friends would comment about how white I was and my ability to blend in with bright lights and white walls.

HOWEVER, in China...these facts are viewed differently.

- I'm tall here!  (Except for the other day when I was smashed into the corner of an elevator by a really tall Chinese man and 10 of my students.  As I was straining my neck to look up at him, I had a weird sense of long ago de ja vu.) 

- Being this pasty white is a whole new experience here.  I have actually seen facial cleansers with whitening cream (I try to avoid buying those).  The other day at the copy shop, one of the friendly workers giggled and grabbed my arm to compare skin colors. The whole store then got into the conversation and once again...how white I am was highlighted.

So, if the kids make fun of you on the playground...I recommend moving to a new country.

"Lightness of One's Dreams"

"One loses, as one grows older, something of the lightness of one's dreams; one begins to take life up in both hands, and to care more for the fruit than the flower, and that is no great loss perhaps."
-W.B. Yeats

I jokingly posted this FB status awhile ago, "I'm teaching 45 of my sophomores how to play kickball today. I so did not see this happening in my 5 year plan..."


I am learning that while measuring myself next to my own plans...success and fail should not be the only vocabulary used..."different" and "well, that's interesting" can also be used.
 
As I look forward to the next five years, W. B. Yeats words play in my mind.  With all of life's uncertainties, I do know one thing...I will keep dreaming while taking up life with both Hands.

How to Properly Eat Fish

1. When your students excitedly ask if you like fish...place a grin on your face and nod your head.
2. Wait expectantly for the food to arrive...
3. Have your students eat first (this ensures the fish finishes cooking in the soup and allows someone else to find the head)
4. Carefully use your chopsticks to find some fish in the huge bowl of soup in the center of the table an entire arm's distance away.
5. Place fish on bowl of rice. 
6. Talk with a student while carefully inspecting your piece for gills, eyes, and scales.
7. Place fish in mouth - DO NOT SWALLOW!
8. Chew...while chewing search for bones with your tongue.
9. Upon finding bones spit them out onto the table.
10. Repeat steps 4-9
11. Walk home in the freezing cold
12. Spend the rest of the afternoon trying to cough up the bone stuck in your throat
13. Go to a team dinner and choke in front of everyone.
14. Eat a ton of rice hoping to dislodge the fish bone...
15. Write a blog

Joy

I thought I understood the words, "Be prepared to give an answer for the hope that you have."  However, maybe I didn't.

In America, people often commented on how I love to smile...
In China, people often comment on how I love to smile...

My response: I have joy and hope...and that joy causes me to smile.

I then ask them why they think I smile.  Most of the time I hear something like, "Foreigners are always happy" or "Maybe your life is easy and nothing difficult happens."

A smile can be the opportunity to give an answer for the hope that I have.

Denial

Tonight, I worked with three students who are going on to compete in a city/region wide English contest. 

Their challenge: Speak for 3 minutes about a Word that has Changed the World.

One of my students chose the word Denial.  She wrote that through people denying us and even self denial great things have come (Steve Jobs being fired from Apple etc).  However, the translation of denial from Chinese to English missed some connotation causing the native English speakers to question her usage of the word.

We spent two hours tossing around ideas for a new word...criticism, overcoming denial, failure, etc etc.  There was no word, no English word at least, that would capture her idea.  However, the word denial in its base form worked...it just had connotation and grammatical baggage that made it unacceptable.  So we talked, debated, and thought and thought and thought.

Finally, I simply said that we needed to acknowledge the word's failure and point out the weakness before the judges do.  By acknowledging the weakness, admitting the failure, we then became able to use the word...without its baggage.

And isn't that true in life?  When we have a weakness or a shortcoming, we need to acknowledge the weakness and admit the failure.  We can then take the good that is there and move forward...working with what we have but also drawing from our strengths.

We need to stop denying that we have shortcomings...rather, we need to face them, own them, and well...Just Do It.