When I first thought about coming to China I was worried about all I would be giving up. I would be giving up my home, a job I love, my fellowship, language, family, security, culture, and the ability to flush my toilet paper. All of these things tempted me to stay right where I was...but China kept calling.
So I gave it up. My fingers were pried off all that I held dear in the States and I went.
Once my white-knuckled grip was broken, my hands remained open to receive all the amazing things He had in store for me. When what you know is taken away, your ability to enjoy the other things in life intensifies. It is almost as if my sight was taken so I could discover the beautiful symphony around me.
Here in Thailand I can't help but give thanks...for so many reasons. My verbal filter is gone and I can share my thoughts without worry. I am surrounded by so many people who fluently speak my native language. Both fahrenheit and celsius are well into the positive. Bathrooms have toilet paper AND soap. People smile and laugh. The fresh fruit, Thai coffee, and amazing food fills my whole being with joy. I often burst out with, "Oh taste and see that He is good!" After months in Harbin, my awe and excitement bubbles up over these seemingly small things.
However, if I had clung to my security at home I would never have opened my hands wide enough to receive all His blessings. Once I shed my shoddy sense of security, He showered me with joys beyond compare.
"You anoint my head with oil, my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life." Oh my hands are open!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Vow of Silence
When you were a child did your mom ever yell, "All I want is some peace and quiet!" As a child, did we ever understand why in the world she would want that? Nope...
However, I now understand...just like she promised I would.
Living in a big city means lots of noise. Traffic, horns, vendors yelling, chickens clucking, and firecrackers are all a part of my usual cacophany of noise. After a long semester, all I wanted was some peace and quiet.
However, once I arrived at the quiet retreat center I quickly realized that I don't do "quiet" well. These people had walking, eating, everything down to an art of silence. Whenever I clanked my silverware against my bowl I had to catch myself from calling out "Sorry!"
I began to worry that they were all thinking, "Here come those noisy, klutzy Americans" whenever they saw us. But don't worry. On the last day I wore my Canadian shirt to throw them off the trail.
However, I now understand...just like she promised I would.
Living in a big city means lots of noise. Traffic, horns, vendors yelling, chickens clucking, and firecrackers are all a part of my usual cacophany of noise. After a long semester, all I wanted was some peace and quiet.
However, once I arrived at the quiet retreat center I quickly realized that I don't do "quiet" well. These people had walking, eating, everything down to an art of silence. Whenever I clanked my silverware against my bowl I had to catch myself from calling out "Sorry!"
I began to worry that they were all thinking, "Here come those noisy, klutzy Americans" whenever they saw us. But don't worry. On the last day I wore my Canadian shirt to throw them off the trail.
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| The Main Garden where I spend most of my time. |
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Harbin
I love Harbin. It didn't really ask me to love it and it definitely didn't try to impress me. There is no U.S. city to compare it to. If forced I would say it is a bit like Chicago, but with the reputation of Detroit and 10x bigger.
Harbin is cold, bitterly cold and the people are cold, often bitterly cold. There is a wide river that completely freezes over in the winter, becoming gray and motionless. Throughout the city huge, ugly billows of smoke pour out of the coal-burning buildings, turning everything dirty and ugly. The sun begins its downward course in the early afternoon, ushering in the darkness that shrouds the city with bleakness.
The Chinese people have a way of describing themselves by saying they know how to "eat bitterness." Harbin has indeed eaten bitterness. There is a museum in the city that shows the blatant cruelty and disdain for human life manifested by the Japanese biowarfare testing carried out on the Chinese/Harbin people. It stands as a bleak reminder of the cruelty heaped upon them.
Surely people cannot live in such a place as Harbin without it changing them, hardening them.
I ask, "What good can come from such a cold, dark, and bitter place? What beauty and joy could ever be found in a people that have literally eaten bitterness?"
I don't know...
My heart cries out that I wants to share with you a story bursting with hope...but I don't have a dramatic story to share. I can only write that my heart knows hope in Harbin. I feel it...even though I can't see it. I hear it...not often in words but in the meaning behind them. I look at the faces of my brothers and sisters here and I see the etches of struggle and hardship...but there is a glimmer in their eyes showing the knowledge that their struggles are but one thread in the tapestry of their lives.
The Harbin-rens know ice and cold and darkness. But...they take the ice of the motionless, frozen river and form beautiful works of art with it. They take the darkness and add color and light. They take the cold and breath art into the air. Beauty is not vanquished forever. For in this seemingly forsaken land, there is hope. I say to the cold, bitterness, and darkness, "Tremble...for I believe Aslan is on the move and His eyes are on Harbin."
Harbin is cold, bitterly cold and the people are cold, often bitterly cold. There is a wide river that completely freezes over in the winter, becoming gray and motionless. Throughout the city huge, ugly billows of smoke pour out of the coal-burning buildings, turning everything dirty and ugly. The sun begins its downward course in the early afternoon, ushering in the darkness that shrouds the city with bleakness.
The Chinese people have a way of describing themselves by saying they know how to "eat bitterness." Harbin has indeed eaten bitterness. There is a museum in the city that shows the blatant cruelty and disdain for human life manifested by the Japanese biowarfare testing carried out on the Chinese/Harbin people. It stands as a bleak reminder of the cruelty heaped upon them.
Surely people cannot live in such a place as Harbin without it changing them, hardening them.
I ask, "What good can come from such a cold, dark, and bitter place? What beauty and joy could ever be found in a people that have literally eaten bitterness?"
I don't know...
My heart cries out that I wants to share with you a story bursting with hope...but I don't have a dramatic story to share. I can only write that my heart knows hope in Harbin. I feel it...even though I can't see it. I hear it...not often in words but in the meaning behind them. I look at the faces of my brothers and sisters here and I see the etches of struggle and hardship...but there is a glimmer in their eyes showing the knowledge that their struggles are but one thread in the tapestry of their lives.
The Harbin-rens know ice and cold and darkness. But...they take the ice of the motionless, frozen river and form beautiful works of art with it. They take the darkness and add color and light. They take the cold and breath art into the air. Beauty is not vanquished forever. For in this seemingly forsaken land, there is hope. I say to the cold, bitterness, and darkness, "Tremble...for I believe Aslan is on the move and His eyes are on Harbin."
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| Frozen Beauty (taken by Kayla) |
Friday, January 20, 2012
Packing
I grew up with brothers...which had certain consequences. For
example, I had to pack light when traveling or I would never hear the
end of it from them.
However, I travel with girls these days. And let me tell you, some of them do NOT pack light.
For this 4+ week adventure, I'm starting in -6F, spending some time in 28F, and then I'll be in 87F. How does one pack for that?? I hate packing too much stuff, but I'm also tired of getting to my destination and wishing I had such-and-such.
I'm stuck...my brothers are on one shoulder telling me one thing, and my girl friends are on the other shoulder saying something completely different.
AHH! I hate packing...but I do LOVE the lists I get to make and check things off of.
However, I travel with girls these days. And let me tell you, some of them do NOT pack light.
For this 4+ week adventure, I'm starting in -6F, spending some time in 28F, and then I'll be in 87F. How does one pack for that?? I hate packing too much stuff, but I'm also tired of getting to my destination and wishing I had such-and-such.
I'm stuck...my brothers are on one shoulder telling me one thing, and my girl friends are on the other shoulder saying something completely different.
AHH! I hate packing...but I do LOVE the lists I get to make and check things off of.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
"Oh China"
With the end of our first semester and the opening of the Harbin Ice Festival, there have been quite a few teachers from our organization staying in my home or with other teachers in the city. It has been a fun time of laughter while sharing our adventures as a newbie, or not so new person, in China.
While listening to the stories, I began to notice a somewhat unconscious yet reoccurring phrase/theme.
The stories all start with, “So the other day I was something, something…” and end with, “*sigh* oh China.”
“Oh China…” It’s a phrase said on the end of a sigh and usually punctuated with a laugh or chuckle. It says it all. It says, “Dear China, we love you but there are days we don’t understand you.” Or it may say, “Dear China, I love you but right now I don’t really like you.” Or at other times it simply says, “Oh China, you amaze and delight me.”
If you live in a foreign country, I bet you will find yourself doing the same thing. However, I wonder if I will come home and find myself saying, “Oh America…”
While listening to the stories, I began to notice a somewhat unconscious yet reoccurring phrase/theme.
The stories all start with, “So the other day I was something, something…” and end with, “*sigh* oh China.”
“Oh China…” It’s a phrase said on the end of a sigh and usually punctuated with a laugh or chuckle. It says it all. It says, “Dear China, we love you but there are days we don’t understand you.” Or it may say, “Dear China, I love you but right now I don’t really like you.” Or at other times it simply says, “Oh China, you amaze and delight me.”
If you live in a foreign country, I bet you will find yourself doing the same thing. However, I wonder if I will come home and find myself saying, “Oh America…”
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Lizzie: Respectable and Lovely...and Silent? WHAT?
On the Freshman exams, I asked the students what they liked about the class and what we could improve on. This was one answer I received for what they liked:
We enjoyed class because we never know what the respectable and lovely Miss Lizzie would do next.
I laughed out loud at that one...respectable and lovely...needless to say, not the normal adjectives used to describe me. However, I know they are not alone in wondering what Miss Lizzie will do next. I wonder it myself!!
Before our Thailand Conference, I have signed up to spend 2 days at a Jesuit retreat center. While there, I will take a vow of silence and reflection.* During that time, I hope to reflect on the last semester, look forward to this next year, and spend time reflecting on His goodness. Perhaps, I'll get a glimpse of what I'll be doing next.
Most likely though, I'll come out really talkative, but refreshed and ready to keep wondering as I wander.
*yes, all I can envision is Eat, Pray, Love too.
We enjoyed class because we never know what the respectable and lovely Miss Lizzie would do next.
I laughed out loud at that one...respectable and lovely...needless to say, not the normal adjectives used to describe me. However, I know they are not alone in wondering what Miss Lizzie will do next. I wonder it myself!!
Before our Thailand Conference, I have signed up to spend 2 days at a Jesuit retreat center. While there, I will take a vow of silence and reflection.* During that time, I hope to reflect on the last semester, look forward to this next year, and spend time reflecting on His goodness. Perhaps, I'll get a glimpse of what I'll be doing next.
Most likely though, I'll come out really talkative, but refreshed and ready to keep wondering as I wander.
*yes, all I can envision is Eat, Pray, Love too.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Traffic Laws
During my short time in China, I have slowly come to realize a few of the completely unwritten but well known traffic/pedestrian rules of the road. Now, before China-veterans everywhere laugh at the audacity of me writing this blog (I'm known to be a bit cautious), I will say that just because I know the rules doesn't mean I agree to follow all of them.
1. The rules are not written but are known and should be followed...unless you have a reason to not follow them.
2. A single pedestrian does not have right of way, but a group of pedestrians can take the right of way.
3. Crosswalks are good for crossing, but they still do not guarantee you the right to walk.
4. Pedestrians can walk when the walk signal says don't walk, but that means cars can go when the walk signal says walk.
5. When walking across a street, NEVER run. Taxi's are mentally adjusting their trajectory for you and they have imputed the average Chinese walking speed in their equation...if you run you have thrown off the math of 10 taxi drivers.
Any questions?
1. The rules are not written but are known and should be followed...unless you have a reason to not follow them.
2. A single pedestrian does not have right of way, but a group of pedestrians can take the right of way.
3. Crosswalks are good for crossing, but they still do not guarantee you the right to walk.
4. Pedestrians can walk when the walk signal says don't walk, but that means cars can go when the walk signal says walk.
5. When walking across a street, NEVER run. Taxi's are mentally adjusting their trajectory for you and they have imputed the average Chinese walking speed in their equation...if you run you have thrown off the math of 10 taxi drivers.
Any questions?
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Cold to Frozen
The other day, my dear friend Melodie reminded me about how I didn't like visiting my Chicago friends between the months of January and March. For those of you who have lived in Chicago, you know why. IT'S COLD!! It's not just the temperature...it's the nasty, horrible wind. With that, I found this old blogpost I wrote about Chicago and in view of my present situation (Harbin and Siberian winds) it just made me laugh.
Chicago and I are in a relationship...a marriage of sorts, and I want a divorce but it is trying to woo me back. I hate Chicago and I love Chicago. It was an arranged marriage. I went into it thinking that perhaps we could make it work. It tried to win my love with cultural events, great food, wonderful music, and farmer's markets. But then it turned nasty. It grew cold and withdrew. It punished and turned ugly. It made me think of my first love, and in my eye I only saw the beauty and greatness of my first love. I eventually left and that lasted for a year and a half. I came back though. I realized that no matter how bad it treated me, we were in a relationship. It wooed me all over again, but then it turned harsh and cold. I finally gave it an ultimatum. I'm leaving in May. I might visit every now and then but I'm leaving in May. It has had a change of heart this past week. Chicago has shown me how beautiful it can be when it wants to be. But this time...I know how ugly it can be. I know and I'm not coming back no matter how hard it tries to win my love.
From Chicago to Harbin...I literally jumped from the frying pan into the fire...or should I say the refrigerator to the freezer.
*I do stand by my belief that Chicago winds are the meanest...Harbin may be colder but Chicago is just mean.
Chicago and I are in a relationship...a marriage of sorts, and I want a divorce but it is trying to woo me back. I hate Chicago and I love Chicago. It was an arranged marriage. I went into it thinking that perhaps we could make it work. It tried to win my love with cultural events, great food, wonderful music, and farmer's markets. But then it turned nasty. It grew cold and withdrew. It punished and turned ugly. It made me think of my first love, and in my eye I only saw the beauty and greatness of my first love. I eventually left and that lasted for a year and a half. I came back though. I realized that no matter how bad it treated me, we were in a relationship. It wooed me all over again, but then it turned harsh and cold. I finally gave it an ultimatum. I'm leaving in May. I might visit every now and then but I'm leaving in May. It has had a change of heart this past week. Chicago has shown me how beautiful it can be when it wants to be. But this time...I know how ugly it can be. I know and I'm not coming back no matter how hard it tries to win my love.
From Chicago to Harbin...I literally jumped from the frying pan into the fire...or should I say the refrigerator to the freezer.
*I do stand by my belief that Chicago winds are the meanest...Harbin may be colder but Chicago is just mean.
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